Parenting Chat

Join National Spank Out Day

Pledge to stop spanking, or to help others stop the cruelty.

April 30 is National Spank Out Day. No, it’s not a euphemism for some “private time,” it’s a day to take action against one of the cruelest acts that we allow to happen to our youngest and most vulnerable citizens—spanking.

So many people laugh at this—people who consider spanking to be a valid form of “discipline”—but I have written about it over and over again, citing evidence to support why spanking is not only unethical but also harmful to children. People who use the whole “It was good enough for me!” excuse, by the way, don’t count about anything; at some point, kidnapping and raping women for marriage was good enough for your ancestors, so please think about that for a moment.

We have legal abuse in this country. These children depend on us to keep them safe from harm, and yet we are legally allowed to strike them. Do the same to an animal or a convict and you will be fined at the very least, but strike the smallest member of your household—indeed, one who is completely powerless against you—and it’s considered parenting?

Spanking has proven to make children more violent. It has proven to cause sexual confusion in girls, who later associate pain with pleasure and are often abused by partners. It could even cause boys to become abusive to partners in the future. So many studies have been done to prove this is wrong—I would argue that only visualizing it is needed to prove that it’s wrong, myself—yet parents not only continue to punish in this manner; public policy continues to condone it.

Please just do me one small favor today. Please just consider the possibility that spanking could be detrimental to your child. Read up about it—using my links above or your own research. Talk to your doctor, a therapist, other parents, or other children who were spanked who are now grown. Ask your child how spanking makes him or her feel. Humiliated? Ashamed? Are these truly feelings you want them to associate with you once they are grown?

And if you don’t spank, please take some time on this day to pass this article (or any others you’ve read) around to friends and family to help stop this violence from continuing. Ask your representative to help stop it by mandating that it be illegal as well.

Pregnancy Parenting Style Planning

When women have their first child it is not uncommon for them to start researching and planning for the future. Many women use different techniques to learn actually what all is coming when they become a mom. Some women read pregnancy books while others go to different classes. Either approach can be correct but how do these things we plan for turn out in the future when the child is going through these different stages that are suggested in our findings?

Today I was just sitting back thinking about when I was pregnant with my older son. I had never experienced being a mom before so I stocked up on quite a few different pregnancy and what to expect books. I read majority of the books in full and starting thinking about the process as to when they become older. We all know that are children are basically going to be a reflection of both the mother and the father. So, these things really make some parents wonder exactly what they can expect with their children.

The terrible twos stage is one that most parents are afraid of. They know that the temper tantrums, the no word and all of the other things of this nature are going to occur at the age of two. Many parents become afraid of the things that they read and try to research successful tactics as to how they will respond when their children start showing this type of behavior. However, the funny thing is many parents end up changing their minds when they are actually face to face with the situation.

Parenting Styles

Which Category Do You Fall Under?

We all know that no two parents parent their children the same way. However, it is also known that parenting can be divided up into four different styles. Even though no two parents parent their children the same way certain ones are similar.

The first parenting style is the authoritarian parenting style. This style classifies parents who take no nonsense at all. It does not matter what it is that their child does, if it is not right in their eyes, they will be punished. However, this is not always the best parenting style due to the fact that in some cases the parents themselves may be wrong and the children still have to suffer. Also, their children are kind of distant from them because they feel as though they are always doing something wrong due to the fact that their parents do not even show gratitude when they are in the right.

The second parenting style is authoritative parenting style. This style classifies the parents who set guidelines for their children that are very easy to follow. However, if their children break these rules they punish them but at the same time they take the time to explain to them why they are being punished.

Permissive parenting is the third parenting style. This parenting style classifies those parents who just let their children do anything. They never discipline them and they could see them something wrong and would not say a thing.

Last there is the uninvolved parenting style. This parenting style classifies those parents who could care less about their children. They are even worse than the permissive parents due to the fact that they never listen to their children and will let them be in need for items as well. This is a parenting style that is usually looked upon as child abuse.

If You Can’t Say Something Nice…

Last night, my daughter and I went to the local pottery painting store for a girls’ night with our best friends. On the way there, my daughter informs her friend—my friend’s daughter—that she is a pill.

Her friend was flabbergasted. “What does that mean?” she asked. My daughter, of course, replied that she didn’t know, but that her mama called her that! My friend cracked up, of course, but I was a bit embarrassed. A passing joke—“Oh, honey, you are a pill!”—turned into yet another repeated message from my precocious six-year-old.

Many children repeat things their parents say from an early age, but my daughter only did it occasionally up until now. Her new phrase is, “My mama says…” and then she lists everything I tell her, from my opinion about birds in cages (“It’s wrong, my mama says so! The birds should be free!”) to my period (“My mama says your body makes a bed for a baby every month and one day mine will, too!”). Sometimes it’s cute, sometimes it’s embarrassing, but it’s always eye-opening. She’s definitely paying attention, and I definitely need to be careful about what I say.

She’s also starting to cipher out our spelled messages, making it harder to talk about things in front of her. That’s fine, too; some topics should simply be reserved for when she’s asleep. Even so, we need to be more conscious about what we say around her.

This reminds me that all of us need to be aware of not just our actions in front of our children, but our words, too. Today’s “S***!” uttered when not being able to find the pot we need is tomorrow’s “S***!” our child utters when he or she cannot fix a broken toy. And while this might be okay in some households, I doubt many people want strangers hearing their children repeat everything they say.

Can we police our every thought and word? Of course not. But being mindful about what we say will not only make us more creative—and likely sound more intelligent!—it will also encourage our children to communicate more effectively. We can also encourage them to form their own opinions, stressing that something we say is how we feel, then asking how they feel (or asking them first, since some kids are apt to simply agree with their parents to be pleasing; I’ve been there!). We could also try to use the Thumper message, of course: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” This doesn’t have to be a strict rule, but something to just keep in mind before remarking about one’s heartless, self-absorbed relative or neighbor in front of a child who will happily repeat it to the person in question!